I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
