So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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