Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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