He disabled his match.com account in front of me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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