the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it hurts more in the daytime
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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