my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
