why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize