Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
