hotel room ftw
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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