I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
