Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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