Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
