hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
