Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
