fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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