bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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