She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
