watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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