Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
