I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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