I think my fart just growled at me.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
