Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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