and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
