He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
