I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
