I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
