I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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