hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
