pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
