Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I want her autograph on my taint
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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