There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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