The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
