I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
