So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
