maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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