the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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