Jerry, you need to find god
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
