I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my sisters under your porch take her home
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
