I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
