he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
