And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
