Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
