Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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