i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
