Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
