His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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