My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
