...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
