frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
