Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
