Pappa wants mamma naked
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
