If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
