the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
