We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
