I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
