I'm so fucking centered right now
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
