If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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