dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
