You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
