Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
