you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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