idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
