Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
