I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i think my tv is drunk
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
