I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
