Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
